US man buys billboard ad to find love!

When it comes to making laws for women, feminists always look up to west, import their laws after due customization ensuring minimal responsibility for today’s empowered women. They are simply not bothered to think if these laws will do any good or address the actual problem.

In west, these laws cost havoc already, and people are marrying-divorcing like never before. A very common joke comes to my mind which I could not resist sharing:

In US, a wife rushes home shouting to her husband, “Honey honey come quickly, your kinds and my kinds are beating up our kids”.

Jokes apart, below news article is a reality in US. I do not want to comment if this is a good sign for human civilization, and leave it upto your own thought processes.

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New York: A middle-aged US man has taken his search for love to new heights by shelling out “a few thousand dollars” on a giant billboard, overlooking a busy Chicago expressway, to advertise his quest for a perfect soul mate.

“I’m Gordon! Let’s have dinner!” says the billboard overlooking the Stevenson Expressway.

It also displays his picture and the address of his own dating website, http://www.helpgordyfindlove.com.

Gordon Engle, a forty-something wealthy divorcee from Chicago, decided to spend money on the advertisement when he became disenchanted with online dating sites, ‘New York Daily News’ reported.

Engle, a self-made entrepreneur, said he was looking for love in all the wrong places, so he decided to try something new.
gordon_billboard_2_295x200.jpg
“You’ll spend several thousand on education, a quarter-million on a house, money on a car, but what’s your most important thing?” he asked.

“Your significant other. You’re going to go cheap on that?” he said.

“There’s not a lot of difference between a billboard and Match.com. I think [a billboard] shows a little more sincerity,” he told Chicago’s WGNtv.com.

Engle’s innovative idea seems to be paying off. So far, the billboard has fetched between 15 and 20 ‘solid’ applicants, he said.

However, gold diggers should stay away. Engle said he could spot them “within five minutes.”

 

 

link to original article: http://www.ndtv.com/article/world/us-man-buys-billboard-ad-to-find-love-415868

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Women put off divorce to benefit from Marriages Law (Amendment) Bill

Marriages Law (Amendment) Bill proposal of up to 50% share in husband’s property, including inheritance, sees 23% drop in divorce cases as women direct their lawyers to go slow on proceedings.

– Ravi Jadhav/DNA

Women are playing the waiting game when it comes to getting divorced.

Between January and August this year, divorce cases in Mumbai fell by 23% compared to the corresponding period last year.

Women have directed their lawyers to slow down proceedings till the Marriages Law (Amendment) Bill is passed in the Lok Sabha in the winter session of Parliament. The bill proposes that a woman should get up to 50% share from her husband’s inheritance and properties.

According to the Bandra family court, there were 2,826 divorces in the first eight months of last year. The figure fell to 2,157 in the same period this year.

Lawyerspeak
Divorce lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh says a few of her female clients, especially those from affluent families, are adopting the wait-and-watch approach before rushing for a divorce. “They stand to gain a lot more from the husband’s property if the Bill in its current form becomes an Act,” she said. “You hurt the person where it hurts him the most, and money plays an important role.”

Shilpi Shamani, a divorce lawyer from Mumbai, said at least three of his female clients have requested him to go slow on the divorce process. “They want to see the fate of the Bill and act accordingly.”

The law says…
From 2009 to 2010, there was a 26.6% increase in divorces in the city. The numbers fell thereafter. There was a 14.9% decline in 2011 compared to 2010 and a further 4.5% drop in 2012 compared to 2011.

The trend coincides with a long drawn out debate on the Bill before it was passed by the Rajya Sabha on August 26. It’s scheduled to come up in the winter session of Lok Sabha.

The Bill has introduced a number of amendments to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, and the Special Marriage Act, 1954. The property clause in the Bill lays down that the husband stands a chance of losing up to 50% of his property to his wife. This includes his inherited and inheritable property, apart from what he has acquired after marriage.

Moreover, it allows divorce on grounds of irretrievable breakdown of marriage if the spouses have lived separately for three years. It will speed up the divorce process, thus avoiding years of litigation.

It also says that while the husband cannot oppose the divorce, the wife can, claiming financial hardships.

Men in a fix
Men seeking divorce are finding themselves in a fix. Goregaon resident Rajiv Aggarwal, 32, (name changed), who filed for divorce two months ago, is wishing he had done it earlier.

“I am stuck. The intimidation from my wife’s family was getting out of control, so I had to file for divorce. If the Bill is passed, men like me, who belong to the salaried class, will be doomed,” said Aggarwal, who separated from his wife barely a year after his marriage.

“There are several other laws to protect women in our country like section 498 (a) of the IPC which deals with dowry. It was slapped on me the day I filed the petition.”

Men’s rights groups have termed the Bill ‘biased’ and ‘anti-men’.

Activist Amit Deshpande said the Bill would hardly empower women as it is ‘wife-friendly’, not ‘women-friendly’. He says the Bill takes care of the wife but not the husband’s mother or sister.

“Divorces have slowed down, specially after talks of inclusion of the property clause in the Bill surfaced around December 2012.

So, if this Bill is cleared in the Lok Sabha in its current form, it could offer more returns for the same thing,” said Deshpande.

New Bill, new fears
Men like Deshpande fear that just like the anti-dowry law, the proposed law may be misused by women. Deshmukh, too, believes many women might misuse this Bill for financial gains.

However, women’s rights groups across the country have welcomed the Bill.

Also, experts believe there could be a massive jump in divorces once the Bill becomes an Act. According to a Save India Family Foundation survey, divorce cases increased in countries such as Australia and China after similar laws were passed.

Deshpande said, “India can face the same situation if this Bill is cleared. Only the payer (husband) wouldn’t know how much he will have to pay since prenuptial agreements are not legal in our country.”

Geeta Luthra, a divorce lawyer in Delhi, said she receives many queries about the Bill every day, both from men and women. She said there will be further amendments to the Bill, as it is “discriminatory to men” and also contradicts the Hindu Succession Act.

‘It’s not about property’
Ashima Das (name changed), an IT professional from Mumbai whose divorce case is pending in the Bandra family court, refuses to buy that the ‘property’ argument can be reason for divorce cases going down.

“It might matter to some, which is reflecting in the statistics. For me, it’s more important to get out of a bad marriage as soon as possible, instead of waiting for a Bill to turn into an Act,” she said.

Similarly, in Bangalore, getting out of a bad marriage supersedes the ‘property’ factor for most women, say lawyers.

Activists slam ‘one-sided’ Bill
Men’s rights groups have termed the Bill ‘biased’ and ‘anti-men’. Men’s rights activist Amit Deshpande said the Bill would hardly empower women as it is ‘wife-friendly’, not ‘women-friendly’. He says the Bill takes care of the wife, but not the mother or sister of the husband

Men fear that just like the anti-dowry law, the proposed law might also be misused by women. Lawyers, too, believe many women might misuse this Bill for financial gains.

 

 

link to original article: http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/1896919/report-women-put-off-divorce-to-benefit-from-marriages-law-amendment-bill

The unheard victims of violence

A victim of gay gang rape speaks out after years of living in fear of mockery and ostracism

Rape. Lately, this four letter word has been appearing with frightening regularity in the Indian media as gruesome cases, including the recent gang rape of a Mumbai photojournalist, get reported widely. These rape survivors try and pick up the pieces of their lives, deal with the physical and psychological consequences and fight for justice with stoic perseverance.

“But what happens when a gay person is subjected to a similar act of violence? Does anyone even care when his or her dignity is undermined? In most instances, when such a subject is ever broached, most often it is the victim who ends up becoming the butt of myriad jokes,” says an agitated Ajay Chander (name changed on request), a victim of gayrape.

As he narrates his harrowing tale, he observes, “Ever since the Delhi gang rape case, it seems as if rape cases have increased in a manifold way in India. But I want to bring to light the dilemma of many gay people who are subjected to similar brutality. I am a rape survivor.”

As Chander says these words out loud, he fervently hopes that this would help him to “move on and bury the ghosts of my past that came back to life after the recent discussions about rape”. He wants to be able to tackle those difficult memories, “For several years now, I have debated in my head about how to speak about this without falling into the many traps that have been laid out for people like me…How do I talk about it as a man without making it sound like I am elbowing myself into a space occupied by women survivors?”

Twelve years ago, Chander was gang raped and the men who did this to him went as far as videotaping their brutality in order to force him into silence. He says, “I was 18 years old at that time. I had hooked up withsomeone online and went to meet him at an agreed spot. From there, things just spiralled out of control in a bizarre manner. I do not want to go into the details.”

Visibly disturbed by the effort to even recall the incident, the young man stops to take a breath before he continues, “Every time a friend mentions gay porn, I shudder in panic wondering whether the video of my rape is circulating online.”

Although many years have passed and Chander is now a vocal gay rights activist, he doesn’t feel safe in the company of unknown men. He has also toned down the feminine appeal of his appearance so that he doesn’t attract undue attention. Elaborating on the demons he is battling, he says, “I have censored my body for survival. I fear for the safety of my queer friends. When the memories of my rape come back to me, I am scared of sleeping alone even in my own home. Despite feeling stressed I try to be cheerful for the sake of my mother. I don’t want to trouble her by looking gaunt or haunted”.

Chander has always desisted from sharing his traumas with anyone as he feels that if “I speak about this, people will forget the rape and blame me for hooking up with a stranger, especially another man”. He doesn’t want to deal with this blame as well as be confronted with the memories of the violence.

According to Chander, even when it happens to a man, rape is gendered violence. He recalls, “It happened to me because I was feminine. The men thought that I deserved it for not acting like a ‘man’. Sometimes rape is inflicted on men just to shame them; to, supposedly, insult them for their lack of masculinity. In whatever way it happens, it loops back to the question of gender.”

This is one of the reasons why he has become a staunch feminist. “I was one even before I was raped. I didn’t need this violent lesson to turn feminist. But if I was to live with it, I decided to make this episode of violence, which I now feel in my bones, an embodied site of my feminism. I have tried to make use of it to understand gendered violence, to understand myself and this world just a little bit more,” he explains.

Across India, there are gay and queer people like young Chander, who are waging lonely battles. Unfortunately, when it comes to institutional or legal support, they have little or no recourse. Rape laws are not applicable to male victims, even when they are homosexual. And although the Delhi High Court has decriminalised homosexuality by reading down the anti-sodomy law – Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code – the tag of homosexuality being an unnatural offence has not been removed from the statute of law. Only when the Supreme Court takes a stand on this issue canthe authorities act according to law.

Manvendra Singh, gay rights activist and the first Indian gay person from former royalty to come out of the closet, puts it this way, “It’s really tragic that the voices of gay rape victims remain unheard. But then, I can’t really blame them because most of the time they have not come out into the open about their sexual orientation, so they fear social ostracism. And, in a few cases, when they do gather courage to reach out to the cops to register an FIR, they are mostly mocked at and their complaints remain unregistered. We are fighting against this injustice meted out to them. But change will come only once we have a clear law that legalises homosexuality. Of course, the process of changing mindsets will take an even longer while.”

Until that happens, only the firm voices of men like Chander and Singh, keep up this fight for justice.

(Women’s Feature Service)

 

link to original article: http://www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/society/the-unheard-victims-of-violence/article5088311.ece

Sisters want father to pay Rs 4 crore per year

Well nothing to say here, 2 crore per year for studies in India. Imagine what they would demand after marriage, even Tata’s or Ambani’s would have a tough time 🙂

 

 

NEW DELHI: Two sisters have moved a trial court seeking a maintenance of over Rs four crore per year from their father to pursue studies and meet daily expenses, saying they had left home in 2010 due to harassment meted out by their parents.

The girls, native of Ludhiana in Punjab, filed their plea before metropolitan magistrate Monika Saroha, alleging that they were subjected to torture, harassment, beating and all kinds of abuse, when they were residing with their parents.

The younger sister, preparing for her civil service exam, told the judge that “they are students and they have no source of income to maintain them”.

The court has issued notice to the father seeking his response by January next year. In their plea, the girls told the court that the trouble began when the elder sister, a final year B. Com student, told her father, a shopkeeper, that she wanted to pursue MBA. The younger one, a first-year B. Com student, also wanted to study MBA. But their father threatened to withdraw both of them from college, the petition said. The counsel also said the parents should be prohibited from committing any act of domestic violence.

“The girl’s father should be stopped from repeating any acts of physical and mental abuse, sexual abuse, threatening, lodging false cases or sending friends to threaten them and their friends,” their advocate ShaanMohan said.

“In these facts and circumstances, this court may direct the respondents to pay the aggrieved (the two sisters) a sum of Rs 2,00,00,000 each,” the counsel added.

Earlier, the Delhi high court had provided them with police protection after they alleged that their family friends “attacked” them.

 

link to original article: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-09-20/delhi/42251661_1_com-student-delhi-high-court-father

Story of sexually harassed men

We, as a society always vocal about men sexually harassing women. Laws are made, police directed to tackle it strictly. There are news articles we get to read in this line, making us believe men are dogs, always out there on the streets with a single point agenda to rape / molest / abuse / sexually exploit women.

Article 1: Men are Like dogs, with Potential. This is what an empowered woman writer describes men in her book.

Article 2: Sexual harassment at work charge against senior Doordarshan official

Article 3: Air hostess alleges sexual exploitation

We all know in our society, there are certain women who do not hesitate to take think twice to indulge in sexual route for professional gains. However,  the problem starts when her expectations are not completely met, or guilt factor comes into play. As a women (abla naari) she then has the option to take legal recourse. Cry rape / sexual harassment. This has two benefit, both will land her in winning position. first and foremost, it would allow her to gain sympathy from everyone around, plus will help her to get her job done, they way she wants.

Now, have we ever tried to think about those men, who are sexually exploited by women, what they go though? Probably not, and rightly so, cause our legal system also does not believe this aspect till date. If you are a bollywood buff, you might have heard about a b-grade movie called, Chetna. You may watch that movie to get an idea.

However, Times of India, tried to figure it out, and continue reading to know about their observations …. Please read till the last paragraph, as that tells the reality.

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TOI on the changing tone and tenor of the sexual harassment in Nagpur

All those feminists, who had been screaming over the male atrocities, were shocked into silence reading the recent reports wherein a 42-year-old married woman Veera Kalra, a manager at a ready-made garments store, was booked for sexually harassing her 25-year-old employee Rahul Khandare. Rahul had recently committed suicide and left a five-page note, blaming Veera for sexually harassing him and being the main cause behind his frustration. And this is not a case in isolation. There are other cases, which have similar undertones. TOI tracks the phenomenon…

Case 1: Disha Chauhan (name changed), a 25-year-old girl working for a multinational herbal products company in the city, lured her new male colleague into a sexual relationship. After luring him into the relationship, she started urging him on to help her with getting more business and greater sales numbers, says our source from the police. He obliged and soon the girl proposed marriage to the lad. When he agreed to that as well, she told him to help in increasing her sales incentive from 35% to 50%. The guy invested heavily, bought the products in large numbers and even diverted many of his own clients to her. The girl achieved her target, married her senior and dumped the guy! Totally shocked, the guy initially went into acute depression, adds the source. Later, he finally gathered the courage to file a case at the Ajni Police Station for cheating and sexual harassment.

Case 2: Rachna Bise (name changed), a 21-year-old married woman, charged her maternal uncle with attempt to rape, after she went absconding with a male friend of hers and was found by the cops, whereas the uncle’s family has lodged a case of sexual harassment against her.

Male harassment is a reality
A senior cop (requesting anonymity) says: “Cases regarding women’s sexual harassment and molestation are reported in large numbers, but sexual harassment of men is also a reality. We get many complaints these days of this nature, but most of the times, the guys refrain from filing the FIR. Hence, the number of cases reported remains very less.”

Victims suffer psychologically
It’s a myth that sexual exploitation hurts women alone and men remain unscathed, says Investigating Officer R G Rajulwar, who is handling Disha Chauhan case. He adds, “In this particular case, the boy, who was exploited and later dumped by her, became a complete recluse and even contemplated suicide. It was the never ending support of his family and friends that made him come out of his shell. So, it is no longer true that exploitation happens on one particular sex alone.”

Butt of myriad jokes
The sad part is that while the psychological trauma faced by the sexually harassed people of both the sexes remains equal, the men who report such cases, have to face public ridicule. “When a girl files a case of sexual harassment, she gets people’s sympathy, but when a guy files such a complaint, he becomes the butt of myriad jokes. That is why even when they are being exploited blatantly by certain women, they prefer to bear it in silence, or may take an extreme step like Rahul Khandare, who committed suicide,” said another senior cop, on the condition of anonymity.

 

link to original article: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-06-25/man-woman/40146730_1_sexual-harassment-male-harassment-sexual-exploitation

Divorce makes life hell for men

Our lawmakers and also many of us believe that divorce makes the life of the wife hell, it becomes very difficult for her to survive after a divorce. So we are happily making laws after laws to give protection and security to women. But, have we ever tried to think how it affects the man? Is he always happy to get back his lost bachelorhood? We always tend to believe that he should be happy, but reality begs to differ according to an International study. Read on:

 

Divorced men have higher rates of mortality, substance abuse, depression, and lack of social support, a new study has revealed.

Authors Daniel S. Felix, PhD, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, W. David Robinson, PhD,Utah State University, Logan, and Kimberly J. Jarzynka, MD, University of Nebraska Medical Center, Omaha demonstrate an urgent need to recognize and treat men’s divorce-related healthproblems in a provocative case study and review of the literature entitled ‘The Influence ofDivorce on Men’s Health.’

Divorce has been associated with a variety of psychological and behavioral disorders.

For the specific case of the divorced 45-year-old man described in this case study and review, the authors recommend how to evaluate his complaints and plan a course of treatment based on current clinical guidelines.

Ridwan Shabsigh, MD, President of the International Society of Men’s Health (ISMH), said that popular perception, and many cultures as well as the media present men as tough, resilient, and less vulnerable to psychological trauma than women.

He said that the fact is that men get affected substantially by psychological trauma and negative life events like divorce, bankruptcy, war, and bereavement.

The study has been published in the Journal of Men’s Health.

 

Link to original article: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Divorce-makes-life-hell-for-men/articleshow/23363772.cms?intenttarget=no

 

False cases of domestic violence on the raise

The truth is out, that as the number of cases under domestic violence are increasing, so are the number of false cases. What are our lawmakers doing? Simply ignoring this fact, and making more and more such biased and illogical laws, citing existing laws are inadequate.

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TRICHY: Records reveal that the cases of domestic violence against women are on the rise inTrichy, though not all are genuine incidents. It has been found that some women misuse the provisions of the law by lodging false complaints against their family members to settle scores or for gains.

An exclusive unit for dealing with cases related to domestic violence against women dealt with 33 such cases in July this year, a spurt over the 23 cases reported in June. The number of cases reported in the first five months of 2013 was 19, 26, 20, 14 and 16 respectively. “The cases of domestic violence against women are increasing. Domestic violence is reported irrespective of social status as the educated, the uneducated, the poor and the rich approach us to get a solution,” said Flora Margaret, protection officer at the department of social welfare, in Trichy.

Even though many of the complaints are genuine, it can’t be denied that some women misuse the Domestic Violence Act (DVA) to take revenge on their family members. “There are instances when women have used the Act as a weapon to separate from a joint family citing domestic violence. Such cases can be nailed. Women should make use of the Act to protect them from domestic violence but not to harm others,” said P Dhanalakshmi, an advocate.

The domestic violence is categorised as physical, verbal and emotional, sexual and economical. The cases under all the five categories were brought to the notice of this office. “We have come across all types of domestic violence here. We are trying to provide solution by inquiring with the complainant as well as the opponent. Once the case is settled, it would be happy ending for everyone. Otherwise, we would refer the case to the court. But around 12 cases are referred to the courts every month,” added Flora.

The victims of domestic violence include daughters who are harassed by their parents and brothers for various reasons. In a case, the parents of an upper caste woman were hell-bent on separating her daughter from the family of a lower-caste man. “Though the Act is very helpful for speedy disposal of such cases, the execution of the order is delayed. So, the amendment to ensure speedy execution of the order should be made,” advocate T Jayanthirani said.

However, it is true that some women are misusing the Act, added Jayanthirani.

 

Link to original article: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-08-09/madurai/41237047_1_violence-act-domestic-violence-speedy-disposal